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  • Community Contributor

The #ActuallyAutistic Culture and Identity Project S48

Name, and/or twitter handle: Alexandrine Kantor (Cllr) @Alexa_Kantor

Pronouns: She/Her

Parent/non-parent: Non-parent

Age when you selfdx/were diagnosed autistic: Diagnosed by OAADSS during September 2020

1. Did you feel you were different from others as a child?

Yes I did. I did not have many friends and when I had one, they were my everything. As it wasn’t reciprocated, it was quite hurtful. I did not understand what to do to be liked, I was imitating others and was expecting their results but all it got me were insults or mockery due to an apparent lack of personality. Always felt misunderstood and lonely while trying to be very social, it just didn’t work.

2. Are your parents supportive of you as an autistic individual?

I am not in relations with my mother anymore. My dad starts to slowly accept it but has a very stereotypical vision of autism based on negative cliches therefore still struggles to believe that I am autistic because I was “normal and social”.

3. How did you determine your ethical system?

One of my “special interest” would be fighting for social justice and I really struggle with unfairness and take it very personally (even if sometimes it has nothing to do with me). My empathy scores way too high so I guess it helps me to understand and want to do good around me but I struggle with boundaries at a cost of my mental health.

I would like an equal world for everyone regardless of age, gender, ethnical background, culture, religion or wealth. I believe in equity, those who have more should distribute/do more.

4. In which way does your private self differ from your outward facing front?

I feel like a flower pot outside, I smile when I feel I have too and am very interactive, often talking way too much. I know I am overdoing it but I feel I have to. But at times I will phase out and my fiance will step in to bring me back. It leads me to be very drained and the next day it can take me hours to get enough spoons of energy to get up.

When I am at home with my fiance, I can spend a day without talking much with my noise cancelling headphones on while living in the same room. When I am comfortable, I don’t need to interact.

5. Do you enjoy finding mistakes/errors in the production of films and television...continuity etc.?


6. What are the top 3 traits you look for in a friend?

Understanding : need to be able to handle “too much me”,

Listening : so I can unload everything I learnt

Nice : no judgment as I am very self conscious

7. What are the top 3 traits you perceive as negative but are willing to overlook in a friend?

I don’t know, bad music / movie taste I guess because we don’t have to listen / watch those things together.

8. What are the top traits you look for in a partner/traits your partner possesses?

Understanding, listening, kind, smart, funny, independent, curious, passionate

9. What would you do with your life if you had unlimited funds?

Set up Universal Basic Income for everyone on Earth,

Fund schools in poorest countries especially for girls,

Fund toilets/bathrooms and good water management for everyone on Earth,

Give money to labs to develop Vaccine / meds for every illness and make access to healthcare free for everyone on Earth

Give extra money for research in renewable energies and nuclear to mitigate climate change

Fund charities so no one on Earth should go hungry

Fund research to find another habitable planet for when our sun will die, then fund the transfer so it can be free for everyone on Earth

Fund animal protection charities so no animal get hungry

Buy a house and have a Zoo in the garden filled up with animals that are OK to be pet.

Buy a new camera for my fiance, perhaps a bike too.

I could probably come up with more if I had more time :)

10. What does freedom mean to you. What does it entail?

Our freedom stops when it impacts negatively others

11. What does success mean to you?

Be happy ? Or satisfied.

12. Are you more stable/happier/productive within the structure of a relationship...partner/good friend/long-term roommate?

Happier yes, I did not like feeling lonely, but I need to be independent. My fiance and I have distinct separate lives and that’s perfect for me. I am very needy but I can’t handle that back.

13. Do you find it stressful to be around other parents at school functions?


14. How often do you pretend to not see people you know if you don’t want to talk?

Often, although with the pandemic and the lack of forced social interaction, I am more relaxed now and can have more interactions. Also I am on medication and feel more comfortable around others now.

15. In which areas do you identify the most with other autistic people?

Not able to fit in, difficulty with social interaction, intense obsession over interests

16. What are the most stressful aspects of parenting an autistic child as an autistic caregiver?


17. What are the top 5 things you want your children to know about the world and why?

They will need to know how life can be unfair and not everyone is equal, they will have to know that to then show kindness and fight for others.

18. Does living off the grid appeal to you and why/why not?

Yes, but like for short amount of time. Might become boring after a week.

19. What is your favorite style of architecture and why?


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