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  • Community Contributor

The #ActuallyAutistic Culture and Identity Project S28

Name, and/or twitter handle: Tom / @TomsTweeters

Pronouns: He / They

Parent/non-parent: Non-parent

Age when you selfdx/were diagnosed autistic: 16

1. Did you feel you were different from others as a child?


2. Are your parents supportive of you as an autistic individual?

As a child not so much, now my mom accepts me for who I am (Dad passed away), but still not accepting “the label” autistic. I hope this makes sense.

3. How did you determine your ethical system?

Not sure, I think it grew over time by going through situations. I do know not everyone agrees with my ethical system.

4. In which way does your private self differfrom your outward facing front?

There’s a lot I’d like to do, but I can’t due to social anxiety. I’m a real rebel at heart and I love debates, but I’m unable to do so in real life.

5. Do you enjoy finding mistakes/errors in the production of films and television...continuity etc.?

Yes, and books too. My job is software engineer, and I love debugging (Finding errors in the code).

6. What are the top 3 traits you look for in a friend?

1. Calm

2. Caring

3. Open minded

7. What are the top 3 traits you perceive as negative but are willing to overlook in a friend?

Mostly these are traits that (slightly) annoy me, but then it’s my own feelings that bother me, and often when getting to know someone better I also can accept these traits better.

8. What are the top traits you look for in a partner/traits your partner possesses?

1. Calm

2. Caring

3. Open minded

4. Huggable

9. What would you do with your life if you had unlimited funds?

Make sure everyone is watered, fed, housed properly and able to get medical care.

And buy the entire fossil fuel industry, only to break it down.

10. What does freedom mean to you. What does it entail?

The ability to go anywhere, to speak my mind as I think it without constantly having to second guess what I'm going to say. And to be able to stim when I feel like it.

11. What does success mean to you?

Not sure, sometimes I feel like I achieved something, but then that feeling disappears.

12. Are you more stable/happier/productive within the structure of a relationship...partner/good friend/long-term roommate?

Depending on how well that partner and I match, if it matches it can improve, but with a bad match it definitely worsens.

13. Do you find it stressful to be around other parents at school functions?

I have social anxiety so any gathering is stressful for me.

14. How often do you pretend to not see people you know if you don’t want to talk?

I don't pretend not to see them, I just don't interact.

15. In which areas do you identify the most with other autistic people?

Social anxiety, Procrastination, Hyper focus, little sounds can really annoy me, need for structure, "being the weido", meltdowns.

16. What are the most stressful aspects of parenting an autistic child as an autistic caregiver? N/A 17. What are the top 5 things you want your children to know about the world and why?

It's precious, this planet is our one and only home.

It's dangerous, there are people out there looking to abuse others and the planet.

It's wonderful, there are also great people and places.

Create your own happiness, no one does it for you.

Never give up on your goals.

Why? So they can be safe and happy.

18. Does living off the grid appeal to you and why/why not?

Yes, the peace and quiet.

19. What is your favorite style of architecture and why?

I don't know what it's called but I really love these colorful buildings (Finnish style seaside buildings maybe?)

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